Dear Jeanne-Marie,

What is the secret to loving and being loved unconditionally?

Signed, Heartfelt

Short Answer:

Dear Heartfelt,

Don’t let the ego get in the way of the soul.

In My Experience:

Our ego has all these wants. But our soul has only one want; it doesn’t want to be alone in the world. We have to stop interfering with what the soul wants by overcoming the fear of being alone and unloved.

We all use the wants of the ego to fill the fear. All addictions, not just drugs and alcohol, even minor ones such as shopping, eating, and sleeping are born of this fear. If we stop the addiction, withdrawal pain increases until we reach the unendurable feeling of being completely alone, cut off from the one thing we all really need: unconditional love.

Once we accept our universal feelings of aloneness, others are perceived as gifts placed at our doorstep. We no longer grasp at people or things to fill the void. When we stop grasping, unconditional love moves naturally between the hearts of two people.

This is most often felt the first time a mother holds her child in her arms. If her husband does not also love her unconditionally, and rejoice with her, the marriage will probably end.

In my experience, when marriages end shortly after a baby is born into it, I do not believe it is because the husband is neglected as is often the immature excuse. I believe the husband did not ever love the wife in the first place and married her for some self-serving reason.

When the mother feels and receives real love for the first time, from the baby, the lack of love from the husband becomes crystal clear.

This reminds me of a good friend with a moral dilemma. She met this ‘really nice man’ who divorced shortly after the birth of his child. He told her about his custody battle and that it is causing him a lot of turmoil. She wants to agree with his side, but she knows that he is wrong and is afraid if the obvious is stated, my friend will be out of the picture. She is afraid of being alone again.

My advice to her was to tell him the truth and state the obvious in gentle terms. If he in turn does the right thing, she will know he really is a ‘good guy’ and worthy of her time. If he moves on to someone else who will sympathize with his ‘turmoil’, she has been spared years of wasted time.

I would take my chances. It is rare to have the opportunity to show your character and at the same time, see another’s. Once someone shows you who they are, stop looking for the person you wish they were. It is not there.

What I have learned about people is this: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Signed, Jeanne-Marie

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* Jeanne-Marie Curtis came from Philadelphia to Chadds Ford Township in 1990. She has her BBA in HR Management/Employment Law. She is the author ofJunctions by Jeanne-Marie (Every Woman’s Journey and Journal) available at ChaddsFordLive.com Products/Books.

* To submit a question: email Jeanne-Marie at junctionsbyjm@aol.com